My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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