I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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