I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
