Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Someone came in the potted fern
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
