hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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