Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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