I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
