So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
