i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
