I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
