Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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