: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize