Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
