I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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