Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
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