I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
