Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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