So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
