Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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