if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
