its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
