well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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