I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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