i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
