why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the condom got lost in my hair
someone owes me an orgasm
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
