my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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