I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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