Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
