I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
