Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i will never coherently bang her
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize