thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
