are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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