You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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