Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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