she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
