absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
