There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just invented taco cereal.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
