so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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