note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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