I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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