swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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