rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
