remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
