I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
