we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
