my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
