We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
