How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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