You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
pop tarts are not kleenex
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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