A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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