Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
