He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
