you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
