I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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