you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
