I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
