Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
