Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Randomize
