my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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