I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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