its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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