the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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