Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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