he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
