I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
