Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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