He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
